Dear reader,
If you are trying to teach your child about his/her/their emotions, then this blog is just for you. Teaching our children about their emotions will drastically increase their sense of self, academic performance as well as set them up for later life success when they need to work and get along with others. There are three quick ways that you can get them started which I write about in this blog.
1) Talk about feelings.
One easy way to help children learn about emotions is to talk about their feelings. Whether we do it at the breakfast table, dinner or when they seem to be going through something, it does not matter. From there, we can help them to label their feeling and emotion and make sense of what is going on, in order to eventually find ways together to make them feel better, if need be.
Because feelings and emotions are so vast and interchangeable, and depending on the child's situation and cognitive capabilities, a handy handout that I sometimes give to families is Dr. Gloria Willcox's 'Feelings Wheel' (see image attached) which illustrates 72 feelings. Often a feeling will be an introduction to an even bigger feeling or emotion. As a result, we can go from the wheel's inner circle to its outer, and vice versa, based on the feeling label or words that are said. Feelings and emotions can exist in many combinations, and we can even have both positive and negative feelings at the same time.
Regardless, I encourage families to hang this wheel in their bathroom, fridge, or in a space where everyone interacts often, as well as download it on their mobile phones as a reminder or go to when in doubt.
One thing I will mention is that I encourage families to learn to use the words they hear from their own culture because more often than we'd like to think, cultures do not use the same words or expressions for specific feelings or emotions. (In fact, neuroscientist, psychologist and author, Lisa Feldman-Barrett in her controversial book 'How Emotions Are Made' counters our traditional beliefs on emotions.)
2) Teach them about other people's feelings & emotions.
Another way we can help our children to learn about emotions is to observe what the child and other people is feeling and comment on it in a non-judgmental and accepting way. This way, we are teaching the child to identify emotions in themselves and in others. It might feel like we are judging others but people in general give us information about our environment, including whether someone is safe to be around or not.
When observing other children react to their own emotions, you may want to say the following:
- That child looks so unhappy. I wonder why he’s so upset.
- What do you think he/she needs?
- Is there anything we can do to help?
Questions like the above ones help children to develop empathy as well, a feeling that fosters human cooperation and our species survival. For instance, when a parent wanders out loud to her child about what a baby sibling may be thinking, feeling, or wanting, the child in turn develops (more) empathy towards her younger sibling; thereby instilling a positive, nurturing relationship between the two.
And 3) Read them books about feelings and emotions.
Another method to teaching children emotional literacy is to read them books about feelings and emotions. These books often tell a story about how a feeling or emotion is and gives them ways to manage it.
(Un)Surprisingly, research shows that children who read (and talk) about feelings will develop less aggression and more prosocial (positive) behaviours towards their peers when they are adults.
Here are a few of my personal favourites on feelings and emotions (click on the link to access the title):
‘My Many Colored Days’ (narrated by Kathleen Iu on Youtube)
And here is a selection compiled by Christie Burnett, a teacher, presenter, and writer, tackling different emotions, such as anger and jealousy from different cultural lenses.
Until my next post, take great care of you and your little one’s feelings and emotions,
Drs. van den Brink-El Makkaoui